“Only by accepting what we are can we get what we want,” says Littlefinger.
Roz obliges: “And what do you want?”
“Oh,” he says. “Everything.”
HBO’s massively hyped adaptation of George R. R. Martin’s massively hyped epic is two cuts above the rest of fantasy television. But considering the reigning champion is Xena and the only living opponent Legend of the Seeker, that’s faint enough praise to be damned to the cold regions of hell.
It isn’t that Game of Thrones is a bad adaptation on the usual terms: the costumes, sets and cast are all expertly picked. The plot mostly survives intact. Malta is beautiful. The problem lies squarely with the script: Beinoff and Weiss overwrite it like a broken typewriter. Scenes that approach good drama are invariably ruined by overwrought expo — and by the way y’all, there’s no point in having a great cast if you aren’t going to let them act. Aiden Gillen can do things with his face that convey “what I want is only everything” without the necessity of making a speech that no real person would make, least of all to a brand new employee at a whorehouse, in a city where everyone spies on everyone else.
Moreover, when distilling a story from a novel — a medium that laughs at time constraints — you are necessarily forced to pick and choose which events deserve the screen. You reveal your priorities and, if your understanding of the source work is flawed, you reveal that too. Beinoff and Weiss make sure it’s clear that A Song of Ice and Fire is bloody, full of sex and crawling with corrupt power players; i.e. that it’s Serious Business for grownup viewers, like The Sopranos or something and not at all like Lord of the Rings. But The Sopranos wasn’t all blood and sex, a good amount of it was devoted to Meadow’s schoolwork, and Tony’s suburban striving, and Christopher’s stupid writing career — and that’s a good thing, because real life isn’t all blood and sex either. The mundanity threw all the bada-bing mafiosi stuff into relief. It might have been the violence which made The Sopranos a poster child for subscription television, but it was the sociopolitics and therapy jargon and boring New Jerseyness that made it something other than another homage to the Godfather movies. Game of Thrones makes sure you never forget that it’s For Adults; what I hear is a pair of self-conscious producers protesting too much.
Elsewhere, bankrupt tropes of fantasy TV are inexplicably upheld. For example, just because Jaime and Cersei speak in thespian Brit accents does not mean Tyrion should do the same — if the best accent Dinklage can fake sounds like Trey Parker doing a villain voice. This is an imaginary kingdom, it isn’t as though it’s a potential point of inaccuracy. Besides, Illyrio speaks in the same stage accent as the rest, despite being from a foreign island city. Why even bother?
There’s also the sex issue. Apparently, HBO believes naked breasts are its station ID, so these are brought on whenever possible. There’s nothing wrong with naked women or men, or with sex in general, but the practical upshot is that there seem to be twice as many whores in Westeros as any other kind of woman. Giggly whores. This is not unproblematic in a story whose clearest heroine comes to personal power by mastering her husband in the bedroom. And while we’re at it, there’s also Renly Baratheon who, moving from page to screen, transforms from a three-dimensional gay man with an appealing and respectable character into a mewling, whining sensitive-guy parody.
It’s as though the whole thing is being shorthanded for idiots, and what’s most disconcerting is that it isn’t as though Beinoff and Weiss don’t talk a fine game about their methods and motives. They just don’t deliver. The show we get is made for no one: it’s simultaneously too childish for chin-strokers, too violent for children and entirely too half-assed for connoisseurs of the irascible cult object. If pulling the plug meant the money could be used to finish Deadwood, then at this point I’d give the regal thumbs-down and condemn this show to die.
